Cable ties, cable ties

Tuesday 09 December 2008 at 09:48 am

To be sung to the tune of 'Edelweiss'

Cable Ties, Cable Ties
Used for tying up cables
Small and white, ties them tight
Use in your roof or your gables

And so on. Suggestions for further verses will be... er, ignored, probably.

Coco Pops and hot milk

Tuesday 09 December 2008 at 09:48 am

Exhibit A:
I keep ranting about this - people just look at me in a "you're a bit mental, aren't you?" kind of a way. But surely someone must appreciate how bloody ridiculous this advert really is.

If you don't know, the setup is this; child waiting for breakfast, mum pours hot milk onto child's Coco Pops. Camera then zooms into the bowl, to reveal, at the bottom of the bowl, three animated female* hippos doing some sort of synchronised swimming dance to "Sign Your Name" by Terence Trent D'Arby off of the 1990s. As the camera pulls out again, voice-over says something along the lines of "you never know what's going on in the bowl".

This concept is clearly from the diseased imaginings of a copywriter on the edge. Was there an ideas meeting, when this idea was brought up? What were they thinking? I've seen wildlife documentaries, and that tail-wagging poo-spreading thing hippos do to mark their territories. And when the child gets to the bottom, will their greedy spoon seek out the poor unfortunate creatures - to bite their little hippo heads off in the name of fun? Or wail to the unsuspecting parent, "Mum! Mum! There's three tiny animals dancing and crapping in my breakfast, make it go away!"

Should the strapline be: "Coco Pops - so full of hippo shit it turns the milk brown"?

*They have bows on their heads. That's how you can tell.

The first one - why bother?

Tuesday 09 December 2008 at 08:53 am

I woke up this morning (dah der dah dah dum)... sorry, the blues is upon me.

It occurred to me that during the course of a working day in my office we spout an incredible amount of random garbage, and occasionally some of it can be quite funny. "Why not", I reasoned, "start a blog. The internet is awash with them, surely my collection of nonsense will stand out like a shiny thing in a dark place". And so here we are.

My vision is as follows: a list entitled "Things we have mostly been talking about", and rants pertaining to things that make me want to rant. I'll probably get bored within the week, but hey, maybe some kindly publisher will happen upon my writings and give me a six-figure book deal. Mmm-hmm.